Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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