I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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