I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
