sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
