The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize