don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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