Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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