Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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