My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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