on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize