i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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