And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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