i just google imaged poop.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
