Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
