Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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