The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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