Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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