You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
