he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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