i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
