duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
