We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
