sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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