Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
