Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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