Betty ford says i'm here all night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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