i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
