I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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