They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you had me at cake vodka
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
