24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have feelings that need drinking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
