if you like me you must not know who I am
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
