I smell stomach acid.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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