she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
