i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
