my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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