Small penises have feelings too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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