well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
