moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
