I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So much Jack, so little girl.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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