i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
