I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
