I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My life is pants optional.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
