Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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