Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
