Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
