Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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