Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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