She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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