So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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