I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
