she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
