How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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