Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
