So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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