See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
