Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
