I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
