your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
