My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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