i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am available for nakedness
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
