too bad you live with your parents still
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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