I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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