But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there was a trapeze. enough said
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
